The Wolf
by silverspeech
Summary: Naruto doesn't know it but Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei knew each other once, almost a lifetime ago. Iruka reminisces his past life while noticing the parallels to the one he lives now. Maybe this time he'll find a happier ending...KakaIru, slight AU.


**A/N: I own pretty much nothing let alone the series....(this is unbeta'd, p.s. I really need a beta if anyone feels up for the job.) yaoi KakaIru**

**Summary: Naruto doesn't know it but Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei knew each other once, almost a lifetime ago. Iruka reminices his past life while noticing the parallels to the one he lives now. Maybe this time he'll find a happier ending...**

**The Wolf**

Naruto doesn't know it but Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei knew each other once, almost a lifetime ago. If Iruka is honest he'd admit that actually he can find several parallels between this life and the last, but no one asks and Iruka doesn't tell.

When the Kyuubi attacked Iruka was only eleven, still in the academy, Kakashi was fourteen and already in ANBU.

Iruka remembers sneaking away from his sensei and racing for the front lines. His parents were jounin and he knew that they'd be in the midst of the action doing anything and everything they could to protect the village and the son they love.

He also knows without a doubt that they won't return, he can already feel their presence leaving, and he's learned these past few days that hardly anyone ever returns. But they accepted their mission and everyone expects Iruka to do the same.

Still he can't stand the loneliness, he doesn't want to be left behind, so he decides if they're determined to leave he's determined to follow.

He raced to the front of the village, running over the rooftops until he spotted the red tape, a warning that he'd be entering the point of no return.

He can feel nothing but relief.

He was only a few feet away then, one more leap, just one more step and he'd be able to join his parents, but in mid-air he was suddenly jerked back and just like that his hopes were crushed.

But he doesn't give up so easily and struggles against his captor, though the other is hardly bothered by it. Iruka begs and pleads and at one point actually manages to break free.

Then he feels a slight pressure on the back of his neck; as the world fades to black he sees a silver haired ANBU wearing a wolf mask, years will pass before he sees it again.

There was a collective funeral for the victims of the Kyuubi attack, with so many dead it would have been impractical any other way.

Iruka is fifteen now and still alone as ever. He's only just recently graduated from the academy, not because he truly lacks talent but because he's hardly put in the effort and wastes his time garnering attention through his pranks. His sensei gives him annoyed and exasperated looks but Iruka doesn't mind because at least then he' _looking_.

On the anniversary of the attack the streets of Konoha are empty and surprisingly not many visit the memorial, though Iruka supposes it's because of the rain. The whole day is solemn and he imagines that most families are staying in indoors to mourn and remember together; it is just another reminder of how empty Iruka's life is; he's got no one to stay in with.

He trudges through mud clutching a bouquet of wilted flowers in his hand like a lifeline. He keeps his head down until he is only a few feet form the memorial, he doesn't need to see to find it, his feet have already memorized the way.

When he finally looks up his heart stops. The Wolf had come to pay his own respects it seems, but now his head is tilted back as he watches Iruka from the corner of his eye.

There is a moment of stillness, it's so silent that Iruka can hardly _breathe_.

Then he attacks.

Again he's being stupid, he knows if he wanted, the Wolf could probably kill him any number of ways, but that thought only fuels him on.

It happens all too quickly, one moment he is screaming, kicking, and punching anything he can get his hands on and the next he is being slammed against a near by tree and the Wolf doesn't hesitate in taking him.

There are no kisses, for that the Wolf would have to remove his mask and for both of them it would only be taboo. Instead Iruka forces himself to adjust to the pain and pace of the impending pleasure. It helps to see his eyes.

A pair of mismatched eyes, one a startlingly silver blue and the other a deep ruby red, watch him the whole time and Iruka can feel the gaze burn something inside him.

Iruka is young and inexperienced so it is no surprise that he comes easily, what _is_ surprising is how quick the Wolf follows.

When it is over he collapses in the Wolf's embrace, he doesn't care what happens next, does not and will not care if he is left here all night until someone finds him in the morning. But in that moment before he falls unconscious he wonders what his parents would think of him now...

The next morning when he wakes up he realizes he's in his room and for a second he thinks he dreamt the entire thing, that is until he sits up and feels a familiar pain in his lower back.

On the desk next to his bed is a note written in an unfamiliar handwriting. It reads:

_The pills on the table should help ease the pain. I promise. _

And it is signed: _The Wolf._

Iruka spots the pills and a glass of water next to them. Angrily he picks up the drugs and swallows them dry before chugging the the water.

Somewhere in the back of mind he remembers a fairytale his mother used to tell him about a mischievous boy who disobeys his elders and gets lost in the forest.

The boy meets a wolf and befriends him, accepting any help the wolf offers.

But the wolf cannot be trusted and in the end the boy is eaten. It's supposed to be a warning, the moral is _always_ follow the rules and _don't_ trust strangers.

For Iruka it's already too late.

He shivers as he thinks the Wolf has already taken more than just his life.

He snorts then moves on, he desperately needs a shower.

He needs to meet his team for training in an hour and he can still feel the remains of the Wolf between his thighs.

Iruka never feels the presence of the Wolf as the latter watches him for the rest of the day from the shadows.

****

Iruka can hardly remember the last time he was this angry, it might have been when Naruto almost set fire to the Academy after Iruka specifically told his students not to start practicing with the explosive tags until they were safely _outside_ the classroom.

This time however he isn't angry at Naruto rather he's angry _for_ him, and the other students who made up the Rookie Nine.

The situation was simply ridiculous; how could they be ready? They'd hardly trained as genin, and successfully completing _one _B rank mission certainly didn't qualify them, they'd _barely_ made it out alive. And Iruka knew they would have no where _near_ the experience the other genin from the other villages had.

It was ludicrous and _just like_ those stupid jounin to believe that just because they'd had a particularly easy time passing the exam- no doubt because they were all prodigies- that their students would of course have no trouble adjusting either. Goddammit, things were different, they weren't at war anymore!

"That's enough!" The Hokage ordered and they all fell to attention.

"If they claim their student are ready then I trust their judgment, but I also understand the seriousness of the situation. Therefore I want you to pursue this and report your results to me, is that understood Iruka-sensei?"

"Of course Hokage-sama."

The matter is dropped but there is still tenion in the room and Iruka can't help but burn holes in the back of Kakashi's head. If he wasn't ordered to stand down by the Hokage himself he would have probably attacked the man by now, but as it is the thing that really unsettles him is how completely unconcerned Kakashi still seems.

***

It isn't until a week later that he sees the Wolf again.

Iruka has been restless the whole week and tonight is no different.

He cannot stand the loneliness of his empty apartment so he goes for a walk.

It's dark and the streets are empty but already the open air makes him feel less lonely- more alive.

He walks down the street heading towards the memorial - _because he might as well pay his respects to his parents properly_- when he sees him.

The Wolf is alone, in the dim light of the moon he looks surreal and this is the first time Iruka actually takes the time to study him.

The Wolf is a man, there is no denying that, and blushingly Iruka realizes, _he should know_.

The difference between them is staggering.

The Wolf is tall, pale, and lean with broad shoulders, well muscled arms and a toned body. No doubt he is very powerful, though once again that should be obvious since he _is _ANBU. The Wolf's disheveled silver hair and mismatched eye are the only things visible behind his ANBU mask, but somehow Iruka knows he's handsome.

Iruka is not a child anymore but he's hardly a man. He's tan, short and rather petite for his age. He has muscles but they are only as developed as can be expected for a genin. As far as he knows he isn't particularly good looking - brown hair and brown eyes. The only thing that really sets his face apart form the rest is the long white horizontal scar across his nose.

They really are worlds apart. The barrier between them is almost tangible and Iruka can't stand it.

He doesn't know why he does it but he steps closer anyway.

The Wolf does nothing but his mismatched eyes gleam, burning, _burning_ in a familiar way at something inside Iruka's chest as they watch him. It isn't until he's much closer that he notices there is blood on the other man's clothes -_God only knows whose_- and that the body next to his is trembling ever so slightly.

Now Iruka is really at a loss so he does the only thing he can think to do and it comes out more naturally than he intends.

He grabs hold of the Wolf's flak jacket, stands on his toes, and leans his head to the side so that he can whisper in the Wolf's ear.

"Welcome home."

He feels the other stiffen and steps back, avoiding his eyes. Instead he takes his hand in his own and leads him down the street up the winding stairs past the threshold of his apartment and into his bedroom.

It's there, behind closed doors, that everything changes.

It's not until they're inside that Iruka finally falters but he refuses to let the other know it, so he steps forward again instead, invading the others space and this time when he reaches for the other man's chest its to remove his flak jacket.

He reaches for the Wolf's mask and slowly lets it fall to the floor.

There's a fabric mask underneath and Iruka's lips twitch upwards ironically, it fits.

The Wolf's hand catches his in warning but Iruka only brushes his fingers against his cheek in a caress, before pulling away.

He can't hide his hesitation now, he's no longer sure how to proceed but it turns out to be okay because it seems that's all the initiative he'll have to take.

Sometime between now and their meeting in the streets, the Wolf has gained some confidence.

Suddenly his hands are on Iruka's waist gently lifting him up so that Iruka winds his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist to keep himself from falling.

The Wolf carries him across his room and stops right in front of his bed and gently Iruka untangles himself. When he's standing again he realizes that there's hardly any room between them and he's pressed so closely against his bed he can feel the edge of the mattress pressing against the back of his knees.

He pushes down whatever anxieties creep up and tries to focus on the Wolf's hands roaming over his body as they steadily undress him, on the Wolf's lips on his, on him.

Their kisses are no longer chaste, and Iruka understands this means the Wolf is no longer wearing his mask, but he refuses to peek at his face. He knows he'd be crossing a boundary somehow.

He gasps when he feels hands push down the edge of his underwear, he sees the other is undressed as well and suddenly he is trembling and naked and very vulnerable. The Wolf parts his thighs with a strong hand and with long elegant fingers fondles him there.

Iruka forgets his concerns, he can only gasp and pant and beg while holding on tightly. This time the Wolf answers his pleas and gently lowers him onto the bed then climbs in after him, aligning their bodies.

What comes next Iruka is too dazed too remember, all he knows is that the pleasure and pain is impossible to forget. When it is over he rests his head against the Wolf's chest and looks at the his face again, briefly he meets the other's eyes then traces the outline of his face with his fingers.

His lips once again twitch upward,_ he was expecting the mask_.

Iruka is by no means promiscuous.

He's never done anything quite like this with anyone other than the Wolf. After their first encounter at the memorial stone, he made it a point to at least find out the _name_ of the man he'd slept with.

He knows this: the wolf's name is Kakashi, he's a child prodigy whose suffered from worse tradgedies than your average shinobi, and he'd seen and done more than Iruka probably _ever_ will by the time he was fourteen.

He's worn his mask since he was a child and hardly anyone knows what he actually looks like under there.

He's the only person outside the Uchiha clan to wield the Sharingan - a parting gift to replace the eye he lost in the war by a friend on his deathbed.

And on the day of the Kyuubi attack he lost the last person close to him, his teacher, the Yondaime.

All these things that he knows hardly make a difference and Iruka leans over to press a chaste kiss on Kakashi's unmasked lips. As he pulls away he turns over so his back is pressed against the others chest and promptly falls asleep.

He doesn't want to watch him leave.

This is their last encounter in which he thinks of parents regretfully.

Unconscious he doesn't notice when Kakashi gently places his arm around his waist holding him closer, he doesn't feel the light kisses he presses on the crook of his neck nor has any control over the little gasps he lets out in response, he doesn't hear when the other whispers in his ear, "I'm home," and he certainly doesn't see the small smile Kakashi supresses against his skin or the mismatched eyes that watch him affectionately and with something like regret.

Kakashi pulls away after a few moments and quietly and efficiently gets dressed, he leaves a note and pills next to a glass of water on the nightstand and with one last glance at Iruka slips out the window and out of his life again.

Iruka wakes up the next morning and blushes as he reads the note, a reminder of his late night activities, gratefully washes down the pain pills with water and hurries to get dressed, he has a few errands to run today and his sensei will not tolerate lateness no matter what he'd been doing the previous night.

And this is how Iruka moves on.

****

Iruka likes to take walks late at night, when the village is much more quiet and peaceful and only his. He desperately needs time to think.

It's been a while since the chuunin exams, the following attack, and the disasterous state of the village is still fresh. There are a lot of repairs going on, the village security is tighter than ever, and he's been driven to the point of exhaustion through a combination of pressure at work and volunteering, even so Iruka can't sleep.

The teams that made up the Rookie Nine came out of the exams relatively unharmed, but somehow Team Seven has fallen apart.

Sakura has somehow managed to become apprenticed to their new Hokage, and sometimes Iruka sees her in the mission room or if she volunteers at the Academy when of course she isn't too busy at the hospital or training with her merciless new sensei.

Naruto left the village a while ago, traveling with one of the famous Sannin, he writes, but the letters aren't as detailed as Iruka sometimes wishes they were, yet Iruka knows they have to be careful with the threat of the Akatsuki.

He knows even less about Sasuke only that he managed to make it to Sound and is no doubt being trained by Orochimaru. Despite the fact that Sasuke is a traitor and that Iruka doesn't necessarily agree with his goals, he hopes that Sasuke is safe, that he'll become strong, and eventually succeed in life.

Sometimes he harbors a secret fantasy that Sasuke will come back and things will return to a semblance of normalcy but Iruka isn't so naive so he doesn't hold is breath.

Kakashi...well Kakashi worries him. In the aftermath of the attack on the village Kakashi is once again without a team.

It's been a while since he last saw the man, though working in the mission room does pay off sometimes, he knows Kakashi has been sent on several back to back high rank missions, he, like many of the other jounin, is being pushed to his limit.

Iruka hates their last encounter, he'd stood up unnecessarily on behalf of his students and then was forced to grudgingly admit they might actually stand a chance in the exams.

He hates that in the end his first assumptions couldn't have been more right.

It's unfair because he knows they might have stood a chance if only there hadn't been so much working against them.

He's so lost in thought he doesn't notice the other's presence until they practically run into each other.

"Ka-Kakashi-san." Iruka realizes too late he's being more familiar than he wanted to be.

Kakashi is almost the same as he was all those years ago, still powerful and undoubtedly handsome though he is in his normal jounin attire. The older man looks tired and there is the tell-tale sight of blood on this flak jacket that has Iruka worrying against his better sense.

"You were right." Kakashi responds quietly ignoring Iruka's greeting and the suggested familiarity in it, and for that Iruka would have been grateful, if only the other man hadn't mentioned their last encounter.

"I didn't want to be." He says and looks away, feeling as though he should apologize, as though doubting the jounins' judgment made the problems more real when they wouldn't have existed in the first place. "I'm-I'm really sorry Hatake-san."

There is no response and when Iruka finally gets the courage to look up, he realizes that the bloody stain in Kakashi's flack jacket is _growing._

Immediately Iruka rushes forward catching Kakashi before he crumples, once again he finds himself racing across the rooftops towards the hospital, angry that he hadn't noticed earlier.

_What kind of shinobi is he? _

***

Iruka stares at Kakashi, his eyes sullen and his pout more pronounced, finally after a few moments he leans forward his eyes clenched shut tight, to swallow the spoon full of medicine being offered to him.

It's completely disgusting; the serum is so thick that it feels almost solid as it slides down his throat, like the sensation he gets when he eats clams, and he doesn't even want to consider what the taste might be, it's better to just forget it as soon as possible.

When he opens his eye, he finds Kakashi smiling at him bemusedly and he can't help but scowl.

"'s your fault 'm sick." He says pulling the blankets tighter around his shoulders.

Kakashi laughs lightly, "Yes, yes, I know, thank you for taking care of me."

"'s my job," Iruka mumbles not noticing the flash of seriousness in Kakashi's eye as he sneezes, "'n this 's how you repay me."

"Sorry," Kakashi murmurs softly, there's something in the lilt in his voice that makes Iruka look up surprised.

"'s okay, " he manages finally, "you dn't 'now they'd send you on such an 'mportnt mission 's soon 's you recovered, 'm fine, jus' stay safe, 'kay?" Iruka says tiredly before leaning over to peck Kakashi on the cheek.

"'m tired, gonna nap now, bye." Iruka whispers as he snuggles into the bed.

Kakashi brushes back a few strands of his hair, watching as Iruka sleeps as serenely as any sick person can manage, his chest rising and falling carefully.

"I'll come home." Kakashi says and disappears in a whirl of leaves and smoke.

***

Iruka is startled from his thoughts when the nurse enters the room.

"Ah, Iruka-san, you're still here!" The nurse smiles.

Iruka smiles back distractedly, " Yes, I wanted to make sure Hatake-san was okay, before I left. Can you tell me his condition?"

Protocol says that Iruka is technically not privy to that information, but he _had_ saved Kakashi, and soon the nurse relents.

"Yes, Kakashi-san should be able to go home soon, he lost quite a bit of blood, but luckily it wasn't fatal, still that mixed with his chakra exhaustion must be what made his body give out. He just needs some rest."

Iruka watches the sleeping man for a while longer, then stands up from his chair to leave.

"Oh, won't you stay longer Iruka-san?" The nurse asks worriedly, "I'm sure he could use the company."

There is a moment of tension as Iruka shakes his head, "I have a big day at the academy tomorrow, I should really get back home, now that I know Hatake-san will be fine."

And even though his eyes linger on Kakashi's prone form much longer than necessary he quickly makes his way out of the hospital, knowing that it is no longer his place to keep Kakashi company, no matter how much he still wishes it was.

***

Kakashi collapses on Iruka's chest, struggling to gain his bearings, "What-What was that for?" He gasps, leaning over to kiss and nuzzle Iruka's face.

Gently Iruka pushes him away and maneuvers them so they are sitting upright as Iruka straddles him. He returns Kakashi's kisses but does not answer, which makes the older teen suspicious.

"Hmm?" Kakashi persists.

"Ahh, no reason I just wanted to make today a good day."

He continues to shower him with kisses, continues to avoid the question.

"So you decided to make my favorite meal and insisted that I spend the night even though you have to wake up early tomorrow for no particular reason?" Kakashi asks no longer responding, forcing Iruka to do the same.

Iruka doesn't meet his eyes when he finally asks, "Why didn't you tell me it was your birthday."

The way Kakashi stiffens is enough to confirm his fears.

"I-I overhead some people talking...Kakashi why didn't I know...why didn't you tell me?"

But the older teen avoids his questions for a change.

"_Why?_" He asks instead.

There is no humor in his voice, but still Kakashi can hear the sad sort of smile that graces Iruka's lips.

Iruka keeps his face nestled in the crook of Kakashi's neck as he mumbles into his ear.

"After I heard them talk about it, I-I didn't know why it bothered me so much that I didn't know it was your birthday. But then I realized...it was because I wanted to celebrate it with you. I wanted to celebrate birthdays, and holidays, and everyday with you...and I think, I think maybe I want more than you're offering."

Neither moves, Kakashi for fear that he might break the spell, and Iruka because he wants to hold on for as long as he'll be allowed.

Then Kakashi pulls away, forcing Iruka to meet his eyes, "Do you mean that? You can't say that without meaning it! Do you understand what you're asking?"

Seeing the fierceness in those mismatched eyes, almost like desperation, might have made Iruka falter several weeks ago, but now he knows what he wants.

"I do-" The force of Kakashi's kiss cuts him off short, as though the older is afraid to let him keep speaking,

They don't get out of bed until late the next morning, but really Iruka can't complain because didn't he know what he was signing up for in the first place?

***

Iruka has spent many of Kakashi's birthdays alone. In fact he's spent many birthdays, and holidays, and pretty much everyday alone.

This is not something new.

He knows how to deal with it now. Last year he went on a B rank mission returning with too many injuries to count and happily passed out in the hospital so that he could dream the rest of the day away, the year before that he set up an all day excursion with his students for training, 30 shinobi in training would be enough to keep anyone occupied, and the year before that....

The point being: distraction.

But this year there are no missions, no rowdy students, or potential forest fires; no this year the Hokage insisted he stay to help out in the mission room, and so Iruka forces himself to focus on the mission reports and _nothing_ but the mission reports.

He focuses so hard in fact that he fails to notice when the certain silver-haired jounin finally hands his in.

Like a sudden rush of sound he finally makes sense of the rowdiness in the room. There are many jounin already celebrating, shoving and generally making a ruckus, as they loudly proclaim their congratulations and offer to buy the birthday boy his fair share of drinks, no doubt looking for any excuse to get completely wasted themselves.

But as he acknowledges this, he soon freezes up. He feels his heart begin to race, and the muscles in his back seem stiffer, more rigid. He focuses on his breathing, easing his most polite smile onto his face as he avoids Kakashi's eyes. Instead he watches his own hand determined to keep it steady, even as it already shakes.

He is careful to make sure their hands don't brush and he only half-heartedly skims over the report, though he can tell it's not at all ready to be turned in, he'd rather stay later and rewrite it himself than have to endure another moment under Kakashi's scrutiny; so he quickly approves it and adds it to the pile with a quick - _thank you for your good work, jounin-san_.

Unfortunately for him, the surrounding shinobi won't accept that.

"Ah! Come on Iruka-kun no need to be so cold and formal! It's Kakashi-san's birthday today, at least say happy birthday!" One of the jounin goads him, he thinks it might be Anko.

Iruka knows they won't let this go until he actually says it, and pale-faced he finally meets the infamous copy-nin's eye.

He can't stand it - _he can't, he can't, he can't_.

The way that eye so intently watches him, it's too familiar, too close to home, and he feels the words are trapped before he can even think them.

Luckily for him he seems to have more control than he feels and hears his own voice, perfectly polite, perhaps even friendly. "Happy birthday Kakashi-san, please spend it well."

His smile is so bright it hurts his face and makes his eyes close, but only Kakashi knows how insincere it is, and at this point all it's all Iruka can hope for. He no longer cares what anyone thinks, suddenly he's sixteen again and all he longs for is the approval of one man, though he knows he'll probably never have it.

But in the end, time doesn't stop, and the moment passes, and never has he been more grateful to the Copy-nin for keeping his distance, even as the others continued to press the issue, "Aww, come on sensei, you can do better than that, why don't you come with us to celebrate."

Even his smile falters now, but his mouth seems to work without his permission, thank God.

"Ano-sa, I'd love to, but Hokage-sama has put me on desk duty for the rest of the day, I'm afraid I can't go, but please don't stop on my account."

The other shinobi are quickly dissuaded, and Kakashi is forced to follow, but not without one final lingering gaze.

All Iruka feels is relief.

There is no room to feel remorse, or so he tells himself.

***

Since he's been with Kakashi, Iruka has learned many things.

One thing he's learned is that he enjoys it most when Kakashi takes him from behind, his long pale limbs draped over him, as one strong arm holds him in position.

During this time Kakashi does all the work and Iruka doesn't have to do anything but feel; strangely it feels as though Kakashi is devouring him, marking him, owning him, and really it's been too long since he's felt like he truly belonged anywhere.

As he reaches his climax he realizes that even so, this is the place he wants to be the most - where ever Kakashi is.

They collapse in a mass of limbs both desperately trying to regulate their breathing and savoring in the aftermath.

Several minutes pass then Kakashi gently pulls away, but Iruka isn't quite done yet, after all Kakashi has been away for almost a month on a classified mission, and Iruka is intent on making sure that Kakashi knows, remembers that he now has a reason to always, _always _come home safe.

Rolling over as delicately as he can he maneuvers himself to straddle Kakashi, who merely raises a silver arched eyebrow in mild surprise but doesn't make any move to stop him.

Smiling Iruka brings his hands to gently trace the contours of Kakashi's chest, his fingers linger on a pinkish scar on his upper left shoulder much to close to his neck for Iruka's liking. This one is new, he thinks, but it is just a reminder of how close he always is to losing Kakashi and he decides that it is just another part of Kakashi he'll have to learn to cherish and love- so he leans over to gently peck the area.

As he pulls back he slowly rolls his hips against the others and even though Kakashi's expression still remains almost passive Iruka can see the change in his eyes, that familiar spark as Kakashi fixes him with his intense gaze.

Really this is Iruka's second favorite position, because it allows him to see the affect he has on Kakashi, he can see how much he is needed, how much he matters to his most important person.

Kakashi's long graceful fingers begin to tighten their grip on his waist and Iruka gets the message, doubling his pace, he knows if he doesn't comply Kakashi's likely to get impatient and take charge.

"Iru-"

Suddenly there is a commotion, like the sound of breaking glass as someone forces their way into the room through the window and then so many things happen at once.

The intruder began to yell his "greeting-"

"KAKASHI, MY COOL AND HIP RIVAL! WE HAVE BEEN SUMMONED BY THE HOKAGE TO-"

Iruka gave a rather unmanly squeak and scrambled to cover himself with the sheets, and Kakashi moved just as quickly if more efficiently, though when everything settled Iruka could not help but blush at the knowledge that while Kakashi had been just as intent on covering Iruka, who was now red-faced and clutching at the sheets from his position on the bed, he had not been as modest with himself.

In fact Kakashi was now standing in front of him seemingly trying to block Iruka from the others view, though crouched in his subtle fighting stance he had not bothered to put on a single article of clothing aside from his mask.

And standing among the shards of glass more shocked than ever was the bowl haircut jumpsuit wearing green beast of Konoha, spluttering at the sight before him.

"Yo-you're Ir-Iruka-kun."

Iruka's heart stops then wrenches as he finally realizes the situation. he knows the laws about intimate relations between any two people from working in the missions room, especially the laws concerning minors and Iruka is just six months shy of legal.

He doesn't see how Maito Gai, whom he's also met from his job at the missions room could avoid reporting this and he dreads the consequences for him and especially for Kakashi considering he was 'the adult'.

"Gai." Kakashi growls and Iruka doesn't remember hearing him sound so angry, "Leave, _now_."

After another moment, another lifetime it might as well be, Gai turns to leave, speechless.

Less than ten minutes later a pair of ANBU arrive to escort them to the Hokage's office.

***

Iruka sighs in relief as he files the last mission report.

It's been a long day, made even longer by the fact that Raidou totally bailed on him for desk duty, not that Iruka can really blame him; it's a Saturday and his and Genma's anniversary, so of course Iruka let him out early.

How could he not have let him go when Genma showed up, with a picnic basket, one he made and packed himself, bashfully inviting Raidou to join him for the rest of the day which he'd specifically planned to keep him entertained?

Iruka sighs again as he locks up the last cabinet, and Raidou had looked so happy, so _in love_, that Iruka had not had the heart to make him stay.

He tries not to think of all the stupid, wonderful, things Kakashi once did for him as he turns around to head home, home where he'll probably curl up on the couch and grade papers, maybe if he's lucky he'll -

"Iruka."

The voice stops him instantly, the voice that he knows all too well even though not many could know or would even remember, Iruka has to remind himself that he shouldn't remember either, he promised himself that he wouldn't remember because he _couldn't _remember, if he did, if he did-

"Kakashi-san." He says as politely as he can, bowing low to show his respect to a higher ranking shinobi, "I didn't see you there, are you just turning in your report? I was already getting ready to lock up, you really should bring your reports by earlier, you cause such a fuss, some of the other workers think-"

"I didn't come here to turn in a report."

Iruka stumbles over his final sentence before he shuts up, he feels flustered even though he tries so hard not to; he can already feel his heart beating erratically, _no, no, no! He's not supposed to do this, not supposed to corner me when I'm unprepared! Please, I can't take this right now!_

"I don't think I understand Hatake-san, if you aren't here to turn in a report, what is it you need?"

He thinks he sees Kakashi flinch at the heavy formality, but Iruka needs to set up barriers, so he doesn't let it bother him.

There is a moment of tension as Kakashi stares him down, the same stare he used when they were younger, when they'd been together, and already just like old times, something inside Iruka ignites and he needs to look away.

Luckily there is a commotion from the window, someone trying to get in, and Iruka feels so much relief, he feels so grateful until he realizes his savior is a familiar Green Beast and he feels sick remembering once they'd all been in a similar situation.

"Kakashi my rival! We have been summoned by the honorable Hokage to-" Gai suddenly stops speaking as he takes notice of the situation he's barged into, he turns pale as his expression turns remorseful.

But before anyone else can speak Iruka takes the time to flee, "I see you're very busy now Hatake-san, I won't keep you."

And when Iruka turns to leave it's all he can do to keep a steady pace and not run away.

***

The Hokage's office is covered in shadows, the blinds are closed and the doors locked as the Hokage sits in front of them, his hands intertwined as he uses them partly to prop up his head and partly to cover his mouth, making his angry gaze seem so much more imposing.

"Do you both realize what you've done?" The Sandaime doesn't yell but somehow he makes his voice sound much more cutting than if he had and Iruka can't help but flinch, though that doesn't mean he'll back down, not when his relationship with Kakashi is at stake.

"Hokage-sama, please, it isn't Kakashi's fault he didn't-"

"I will accept responsibility for all my actions Hokage-sama." Kakashi interrupts him coldly, and Iruka doesn't understand how he can stand their so stoically, his arms braced across his chest and his expression blank.

"Kakashi what-"

But this time the Hokage interrupts him.

"How long has this been going on?" The Hokage's voice is low and gravely with barely supressed violence, his voice promising painful retribution if the answer isn't to his liking.

"He was fifteen the first time I forced him into my bed Hokage-sama." Kakashi answers crisply leaving Iruka flushed and spluttering with indignation.

"What? That-that's not true Hokage-sama! Kakashi never forced me to-"

"What would your sensei think Kakashi?" The Sandaime's comment is meant to hurt, and it accomplishes it's task as Iruka sees Kakashi flinch, finally showing some sort of emotion since they arrived.

"I suppose he would be ashamed, eh Sandaime-sama?" Kakashi replies boldly once he's composed himself.

The Sandaime looks disappointed and serious, Iruka fears what he's going to say next.

"You'll end this now." The Sandaime finally announces, his voice giving no room for argument.

But Iruka won't give up, "What? You can't do that-"

"You're too young Iruka-kun, you don't understand what you're getting into, Kakashi isn't fit to be in a relationship and neither are you. And what about when other's find out, are you prepared to deal with the consequences then?"

"It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter what they think! Kakashi and I-"

"Understood."

Kakashi's been so silent this whole time that Iruka almost forgot he was there, but as he cuts in, his words make Iruka blanch.

"W-what?" His words suddenly make him afraid, uncertain.

"I accept your decision Hokage-sama." Kakashi elaborates not looking at him.

"Kakashi, Kakashi, I don't understand-" Iruka finally manages, though he already feels his heart breaking.

"It's actually very simple, Iruka-kun," Kakashi says finally looking at him, "I've been meaning to end this absurd relationship with you, but you're always around, you made it almost impossible, I really started to pity you."

Iruka steps back as though he's been hit, "No, no, you don't mean that-"

"It's better this way, Sandaime-sama has made it so much easier for me to leave you."

Iruka can't speak anymore, he can only focus on trying to contain the pain stemming from his chest, he can only focus on not breakingdown; it's a battle he's already losing.

When he can't hold back anymore he takes off through the window, never looking back, leaving both Kakashi and the Sandaime alone in the darkness.

***

"The Hokage will see you now Iruka-san." The Tiger says finally from his position next to the doorway, and it takes Iruka a moment to remember where he is.

"Ah, H-hai."

The Hokage's office more welcoming this time around, The blinds are open letting in the bright afternoon light through the various windows and this time around the Hokage isn't staring at him disapprovingly.

"You requested my presence Hokage-sama?" Iruka asks with a small bow.

The Hokage watches him carefully his expression almost sad and pitying, if Iruka didn't know any better.

"I just wanted to check up on you, how have you been?"

Iruka doesn't meet the Hokage's gaze because he's afraid that he'll see his resentment.

White hot burning rage that he's so sure he's gotten over, except in moments like these.

"I don't understand Hokage-sama, what does my personal life have to do with this?" Iruka asks blandly, but he's sure the Hokage has figured him out already, after all he isn't the leader of the village for nothing.

"Iruka-kun, I know you don't think it's fair for me to interfere into the lives of my shinobi," The Hokage pauses with enough room for Iruka to cut in, he wants this meeting over with, not much longer and he's likely to drop his polite facade.

"I understand your concern Hokage-sama, I just don't think it's appropriate for you to single out certain shinobi to 'check in' with, afterall what might the others say?"

The Hokage frowns, "I hope you know Iruka-kun that I had your best intentions in mind when-"

A frantic jounin bursts through the room just in time to spare Iruka from a sickening spew of apologies and 'understandings' that he's sure should be over by now, _and why is he the only one who seems to have moved on?_

"Hokage-sama, there's been a breech at-" The jounin shuts up when he spots Iruka and his chunin vest and Iruka gets the idea, this information goes over his ranking, and for once he doesn't care enough to feel offended.

"I see you're very busy now Hokage-sama, don't worry about me I'm fine, I better go, I promised Naruto I'd take him out for some ramen." Iruka is already out the window before he finishes speaking.

***

Iruka stays curled up inside his room for the longest time, he can't stand the looks that he gets from the other shinobi, his teammates and his sensei especially.

It's been two weeks since he and Kakashi were found out, and since the Copy-nin left him, and it feels like he's spent the whole time crying his eyes out.

He's sure that even though his heart still tells him otherwise he should really hate Kakashi.

_Stop it!_

He tells himself he's being weak, he should have seen this coming, after all who'd want to be stuck with someone like him?

Nobody, and everyone knows it now, they know that there's something wrong with him, he's dirty, tainted, _worthless._

Even his parents didn't want to be stuck with him, it's why they left isn't it? They didn't even put up a fight when they'd practically been ordered to die, they hadn't even said goodbye, they'd just taken off without so much as a backwards glance.

It was because they knew it too, Iruka was useless, he deserved to be alone, he knows this now and it's high time he accepted it.

He doesn't know that outside his bedroom window, crouching vigilant in the rain, is Kakashi himself, silent and grave as he forces himself to listen to the sound of Iruka crying, he doesn't know that in that moment no one can hate Kakashi more than he hates himself.

***

Iruka can remember the exact moment he decided to really move on.

It'd been several months, almost a year since the incident with Kakashi and most everyone had already forgotten.

Iruka is no longer part of a genin team and he no longer sees his former teammates or his former sensei, he's also dropped out of the running to become a jounin.

The Hokage protested it at first saying that Iruka had so much potential, but Iruka had already made up his mind, he's legally in charge of making his own decisions now and really he thinks he might be happier training the students at the academy.

Some of them just need some extra attention, and Iruka thinks he just might be the right person to give it to them, especially when it concerns a blond haired blue-eyed prankster.

He's only been teaching for three weeks and already he feel attached to his students and he's made friends among the other teachers.

He's almost inside his apartment when a familiar voice catches his attention, "Iruka-kun!"

He turns around and sees Mizuki approaching him.

Mizuki is a fellow teacher, and he's only a few months older than Iruka, and since they've met Iruka has had the feeling that maybe Mizuki wants to be a little more than friends.

But the incident is still too fresh and Mizuki's hair is a little too close to silver for Iruka's liking.

"Eh! Mizuki-kun what are you doing here?"

Mizuki's smile is classically boyish and charming and Iruka has heard some of the female teachers in training sigh and gush over his good looks and good manners.

Iruka supposes it's really very enticing, a good looking, chivalrous guy would make anyone's heart start beating at twice the same pace, but Iruka thinks of smoldering mismatched eyes and long skilled fingers instead.

Mizuki laughs sheepishly, putting his hand behind his head in another nervously boyish move, and Iruka tells himself that he should be feeling flustered and nervous- Mizuki-san is really too cute for his own good.

That doesn't stop him from remembering the roughness of a pale unmasked chin often felt between even rougher kisses or the familiar sound of a crisply turning page in the silence of a quiet afternoon.

"I was thinking maybe we could go out for lunch or something and get to know each other a little better. Eh, what do you say? I'll even pay." Mizuki's eyes twinkle with mirth, and Iruka contemplates his options before desperately trying to find a polite way to say no when a movement just above them causes a small amount of rubble to drop down and both of their gazes to move upward.

The sight of Kakashi makes Iruka's heart stop.

He doesn't understand why he suddenly feels so terrified, why the other still has so much power over him...

Kakashi's expression is covered by his mask, but there's something about the look in his eyes that makes even the otherwise oblivious Mizuki frown and glare at the obviously higher ranking jounin. It's a childish thing to do and Iruka thinks his boyish charm is really very overrated.

Nobody moves, then finally, _finally_ Kakashi turns and slips away, silently into the shadows the way only a really highly ranked shinobi can, so that Iruka can't even be sure if he's really disappeared or not.

Mizuki seem to think he has because he turns to speak to Iruka obnoxiously as though Kakashi was never there anyway.

"Can you believe the nerve of that guy? Freaking jounin always thinking they're better than everybody! Che! Anyway how about it, do you want to go to Ichiraku's?" Mizuki asks rather confidently, apparently no longer having any scrupples.

Iruka finds it rather annoying.

Even though he no longer feels Kakashi's presence he's not fooled, Kakashi was ANBU, if he wanted someone to think he didn't exist he could very well do it and to Iruka it still feels like he's being watched, like someone is burning holes into his back.

He doesn't turn to look.

"Ah, I'm afraid I can't today Mizuki-kun I'm actually very busy, maybe some other time?" Iruka asks but doesn't wait for a reponse as he closes the door in Mizuki's surprised face.

He leans heavily on the door and tries to stop his heart from beating frantically.

He realizes he's being ridiculous, Kakashi shouldn't have such a big affect on him, especially since he's no longer a part of his life.

It's then Iruka decides he's going to make sure it stays that way.

***

"Iruka-sensei are you okay?" Naruto asks quietly.

Iruka turns toward the blond, startled.

Naruto has been back from his training with the Sannin for three months now and aside from that initial night, they'd never really had time to spend with each other so they'd set aside this day to catch up.

Iruka blushes," Eh! Of course sorry about that, just a little distracted, the kids at the academy have been really troublesome lately."

Naruto scrutinizes him and for a moment Iruka thinks he might actually be on to him before the blond laughs loudly saying, "Is Konohamaru giving you a lot of trouble? I bet he is! That kid even knows my special jutsu!"

While Naruto laugh mischievously, Iruka puts on an irritated face just for show and says, "Yeah, remind me to thank you for that!"

Naruto just keeps laughing and now even Iruka can't hide his smile, "Eh, come on now Iruka-sensei, you have to admit, it's good to bring some life to the classroom, your lessons get so boring sometimes!"

"You brat!" Iruka yells will playfully holding Naruto in a chokehold.

Later that night as they walk past the park still catching up Naruto suddenly stops and turns away looking rather serious.

"Is something wrong Naruto-kun?" Iruka asks worried.

"Iruka-sensei...have you ever...are you lonely?" Naruto asks and Iruka can tell the subject really troubles him.

"I don't really think you're my type Naruto-chan." Iruka says hoping to lighten the mood, _the look on Naruto's face is too grim_, and it works because Naruto suddenly starts spluttering and blushing in a way that make Iruka laugh so hard his insides hurt.

"That's not-that's not what I meant Iruka-sensei!"

Iruka has to wait awhile before he can speak, "Oh I know Naruto-kun, but I couldn't resist, anyway why are you asking?"

"It's just...I don't want you to be sad anymore Iruka-sensei."Naruto replies as he looks away sullenly.

Iruka doesn't know what to say it's just another reason he knows that Naruto is really a sweet kid even if he can be a little slow on the uptake sometimes, he's often surprisingly and unintentionally observant.

"You think I'm sad?" Iruka asks, his tone somewhat regretful.

"I...I don't think you're happy, sensei."

"I'm not sad Naruto, and you don't have to worry about it, it's not your job to make sure I'm happy, but if it makes you feel better I'm fine."

Iruka doesn't want to burden Naruto with his problems.

"Are you sure sensei?" Naruto asks skeptically.

"Of course I'm sure, brat!" Iruka answers as he playfully ruffles the blond's hair and the subject is dropped.

He really doesn't want to be the one to tell Naruto that everyone doesn't always get a happy ending.

***

Iruka stood at the end of the hallway, staring distraughtly at the bustling people.

He'd arrived ten minutes ago with a fellow shinobi draped across his back and immediately a nurse had rushed over to take care of the man, it was actually very lucky, because from the looks of things they hospital was pretty busy today.

There doctors and nurses running everywhich way, some moving equipment, some moving bodies, and others pushing back the rubble from the left wing where an explosion had caused at least four rooms to cave in completely.

"Iruka-san, you know the basics don't you?" A redheaded nurse asks him anxiously.

Feeling more determined than he had in the longest time, Iruka nods emphatically, adjusting his headband, "I trained under one of the doctors for two years to be certified to work at the academy. Where do you need me?"

The nurse looks at him gratefully,"We're short on the third floor, they keep coming in too fast, especially those with severe trauma."

Nodding to show that he understood Iruka quickly shot out through one of the nearby windows, it would be easier to scale the wall to make it to the third floor than risk getting in another doctor's way. He noticed that he wasn't the only one with the same idea, and those that were able used the walls to travel from floor to floor rather than clog up the hallways, it really was an amazing sight to watch groups of shinobi running up and down the sides of the hospital to try to bring aid to as many people as possible.

Once on the third floor Iruka sets to work, in 30 minutes he's already bandaged two legs, stitched up four deep cuts and stopped one man from bleeding out from a wound horribly close to his heart.

He hears Kakashi before he sees him, making a commotion and protesting against a nurse trying to help.

"Please Hatake-san," he hears the nurse plead frantic and desperate, "I need to attend to other patients as well, it will only take a second."

But Kakashi didn't relent, even when the nurse looked like she would burst into tears of frustration.

"I'll do it." The words are out before Iruka can rethink them and he almost regrets it as they both turn to look at him surprised.

"You should go and help the other patients, Nurse-san, and I'll stay here and help Hatake-san, after all I have more experience in dealing with uncooperative shinobi."

The Nurse nods gratefully before running of to care for more willing patients while Iruka set to work on the silent silver-haired shinobi.

Kakashi was really in bad shape.

Iruka quickly bandages his broken legs, knowing that Kakashi would have to wait until much later to have them properly bound and cast, for now all he could do was pump as much healing chakra into them while considering he'd have much more patients to take care of in the long run.

After he finishes bandaging his legs he moves to his injured hands, obviously worn from handling massive amounts of chakra at a time they had sustained minor burns. This time Iruka had a little more to offer on top of the minimal amounts of healing chakra there was a salve Tsunade herself had made especially to restore burned skin to what it had once been, or at least as close as it'd ever get depending on the degree of the burn.

He moved from the hands to the shoulder, where on the right shoulder Kakashi had sustained a particularly deep wound that seemed to have already mostly clotted.

This wound really hit home with Iruka more so than the other's because working so closely with Kakashi's 'center,' where it was believed a person's chakra originated from, made it all that much harder to ignore how close to death Kakashi had come with his greatly depleted chakra reserves, it was really amazing that he'd been able to resist the previous nurse's efforts if at all.

"_Idiot_." The word came bursting through Iruka's tightly frowning mouth before he realized he'd even spoken out loud.

Kakashi chuckled lightly, his weak voice reminding him that even the Great Sharingan Kakashi could be defeated in battle.

"Why do you say that sensei?"

_Because you left me._

Instead Iruka reigns his thoughts back to the situation at hand.

"Your chakra is almost gone entirely, if you'd used anymore _Sharingan-san_ you'd be dead."

Kakashi responds by laughing again because he knows that without saying anything Iruka has reprimanded him for over using his sharingan, as if he could turn it off if he wanted to.

And God did he want to, then maybe he wouldn't have to see in such vivid detail warm brown skin and- instead of allowing himself to think of those things Kakashi congratulates himself on reading Iruka better than anybody he knows.

Underneath the underneath there is so much more to Iruka than meets most peoples eyes, and once a long time ago only Kakashi had been privy to that information.

"Your chakra reserves are starting to run low too sensei."

"I've been healing people this whole time." Iruka says exasperatedly.

"And I've been protecting them." Kakashi says in a way that makes Iruka slump his shoulder in defeat.

"And now that you're here?" He asks because they both know that in the end Kakashi _is_ one of the strongest in the village, and without him Konoha has suffered a major blow in it's more elite forces.

Iruka is reminded of how badly he wishes he could be out in the battlefield fighting along side his fellow shinobi, but against an opponent like Pein he knows he'd be more of a liability than help.

"Maa, I wouldn't worry about it too much sensei...when I was leaving Naruto was just coming in."

That catches Iruka's attention.

"Naruto's back?!"

Kakashi understands from the slight increase of pitch in Iruka's voice and the way his hands briefly tighten over his shoulder that the thought of Naruto battling Pein and _God forbid losing_, frightens Iruka more than he can bare.

"Yeah he managed to save Tsunade from one of that bastard's puppets, made it look pretty easy actually."

Iruka's shoulders relax and he chuckles to show his relief, "That brat, always showing off."

Iruka continues to work in silence, though it is a comfortable one for both of them. Iruka wonders if he should be worried.

When he gets up to move on the next patient Kakashi latches on to his wrist tightly, holding him back.

"Wait...can't you stay?" Kakashi's voice is pleading, low, and somewhat slurred; Iruka attributes this to the pain medication and the blood loss.

He tries to avoid looking Kakashi directly in the eyes, "There are other patients who need my help." He says softly.

"Then...then after, will you come back?"

Iruka stiffens at the requet and doesn't know how to respond.

"I...please, I'm sorry."

It's just too much, Iruka doesn't want hear this now, not now when it's been so long.

"I'm afraid that would be inappropriate Hatake-san." He replies somewhat coldly as he wrenches his hand from the other's grip and moves to help the next patient.

All the while mismatches eyes watch him leave longingly.

***

Later, much, much later, when things have settled somewhat and Iruka is almost passing out from chakra depletion, a nurse thanks him for his help but insists that he find a nice place to rest in the hospital before he resumes helping any other patients.

Without thinking too much about it, Iruka asks her where he might find Kakashi-kun. he nods sleeply at her surprised answer and stumbles up the two flights of stairs to the fifth floor where most of the patients have been moved. He moves past several of the cramped hospital beds, futons, and bed rolls before he finally spots a familiar crop of silver hair sleeping peacefully inside one of the sleeping bags.

Still unaware of his actions and the possible consequences, Iruka gently pushes back the covers and slips inside, snuggling closely next to the taller man.

Surprisingly he doesn't seem to find anything strange about the mismatched eyes that watch him from beneath silver lashes, he doesn't fight when the elder slips his arms around his waist to pull him even closer, his grip tight the way he imagines someone would hold a lover after a long seperation or perhaps in preperation for one.

No Iruka cannot find anything wrong with this scenario and his mind slips into the welcoming darkness all too willingly.

The next morning Iruka wakes up horrified.

He quickly scrambles back from Kakashi, waking the other man up in the process.

"Iruka, what-?" The other asks sleepily as he slowly takes in the situation.

Iruka doesn't reply he's only interested in putting as much distance between them as possible.

"Iruka, wait-!" But he doesn't do that either.

As he runs away he knows it's a cowardly thing to do since Kakashi, with his broken legs can't follow, and probably won't be able to follow for a long time, he thinks this should make him feel relieved.

It doesn't.

***

Four weeks pass and most shinobi and even the citizens that weren't still recovering in the hospital put in heavy amounts of work and labor into restoring and rebuilding the parts of the village destroyed in the attack, which really amounts to almost all of it.

Naruto and a few shinobi defeated Pein and Konan in one of the longest battles in Konoha history. Iruka should know because he teaches it at the academy.

That's not to say they didn't suffer any casualties, once again they had a mass funeral for all those killed in the attack, the third one Iruka's ever had to attend in his entire life, and the dead have been buried and properly honored.

The threat by Akatsuki and even the new up and coming Team Taka isn't gone, still the people of Konoha do what they do best, they hold on to what they still have and set to rebuilding the future.

Iruka remains restless , he can't help tossing and turning in his bed unable to find a comforable position on his mattress and is somewhat bothered by the moonlight falling in through his window creating large square patterns on his bedroom floor.

A traitorous voice in his voice whispers that he might be able to sleep easier if he had a certain silver-haired man to warm his bed.

Frustrated Iruka throws back his sheets and gets dressed quickly before opening his window with the intent of leaving to roam the village again to clear his mind when he remembers his headband.

He turns away from the window and makes his way towards the nightstand where he left it last, it's then he sees the shadow, taller than his own.

Eyes wide Iruka turns around to face his intruder but quickly finds himself trapped between the wall and the larger body.

"Ka-Kakashi, what- this is tresspassing!" Iruka hisses once he manages to get his mind around the situation.

"I don't care, we have to talk." Kakashi's voice is low, tight, and gravely hardly hididng the rage behind his words.

It makes Iruka falter, "I-what could we possibly have to talk about?"

"How about the fact that you slept with me, left and have been _avoiding_ me for the past month!"

"You-we _did not _sleep together idiot!" Iruka hisses out, indignant.

"It wouldn't be the first time, Iruka-kun." Kakashi replies mockingly.

"You fucking bastard, that was a long time ago!"

"You didn't seem to think so, after what you did in the hospital."

"Yeah well I was delerious, there's no way in hell I'd come near an asshole like you!"

That seemed to make Kakashi snap.

"Why do you keep fighting me?!" He yells as he punches the wall viciously next to Iruka's face, making it crack and dent, but Iruka refuses to be intimidated.

He feels the dam burst and his emotions come rushing out, angrily hitting and punching the jounin as he screamed.

"Because I hate you, you bastard! Because you left me! I don't want you anymore! Do you hear me asshole?! I don't want you anymore! Get out! Get out! Get out!"

Iruka continues to hit and scream until his arms grow tired and his voice grows hoarse, all the while Kakashi simply holds him tightly, tighter until he is worn out and slumps in Kakashi's embrace.

Finally he asks,"Why won't you leave me alone? Why are you here? What do you want from me?"

Kakashi doesn't answer right away, instead he pulle back far enough to study the expression on Iruka's face while the latter watches him warily.

"What I want huh?" Kakashi says huskily as he leaned in, it isn't really a question, but he pauses for a few moments, his face a few centimeters away from Iruka's as though giving him time to decide, to protest, before he catches his lips in a rough kiss.

Iruka doesn't resist, doesn't pull away, he's too tired to fight it, but he manages to speak in between kisses.

"But-you left me." Iruka doesn't know why he says it, except that maybe he's hoping Kakashi will let go, will stop kissing him that way, will suddenly remember that he really doesn't want to be with Iruka that way and leave before Iruka needs him again, because if that happens, if that happens, Iruka doesn't think he'd ever be able to stop.

Kakashi doesn't leave.

Instead he kisses Iruka again, this one harsher than the rest, it's almost like he's trying to devour him, claim him, like he used to.

The kiss leaves them breathless, both gasping for air as he pulls away, and while Iruka desprerately tries to catch his breath he feel Kakashi press his forehead against his own.

"_I'm sorry_."

The words make Iruka's heart hurt and his voice crack.

"_Why_?"

He doesn't have to explain, Kakashi understands he's talking about that day in the Hokage's office, all those years ago.

"Because," Kakashi starts, his voice trembling, "even now you're to good for me."

This time Iruka cannot hold back and he kisses Kakashi just as desperately. He knows somewhere in the back of his head that it's too late, if Kakashi left him now there would be no moving on. He doesn't think about what it will be like in the morning if Kakashi leaves him again.

But that doesn't stop them from moving onto the bed, afterwards when they wear themselves out, Iruka falls into a dreamless sleep, wondering how it is none of the neighbors heard them shouting.

It's the best sleep Iruka's had in the longest time.

***

The next morning when Iruka wakes up the first thing he notices is the empty spot next to him, as he sits up he half expects to find a note on his nightstand with some asprin and a glass of water.

He doesn't, but he notes that the side Kakashi slept on is still somewhat warm, meaning he probably only missed his departure by a few minutes.

Iruka tells himself to breathe, he can do this, he can move on, he doesn't need anything, he hasn't for a long time.

So he gets up and moves to get ready for what's sure to be a long day.

When he opens the door of his bedroom to get to the restroom he hears a soft hiss from the Kitchen that reminds him of cackling flames and he hurries to find out what the problem is.

He stops, frozen in the doorway watching as Kakashi, shirtless, cooks in his kitchen like he's been doing it all his life.

Kakashi turns off the stove and turns around to face him, a smile on his face.

"I made scrambled eggs and french toast, they're still you're favorite right?"

Iruka nods dumbly unable to comprehend this highly unlikely scene of domesticity.

Kakashi crosses the room until he's wrapping his arms around Iruka's waist, his hands brushing his cheek and asking what's wrong.

Now that he's close enough to touch, Iruka reassures himself that this is real, he relaxes in Kakashi's embrace, resting his head on a pale shoulder.

"Nothing, just thinking."

It should startle him how easy it is for them to fall back into old routines.

"What about?"

In actuality the thought makes him feel strangely peaceful, like the past few years have dissolved into nothingness, just a long strange dream he's finally woken up from.

"Hmm, it's Naruto."

Kakashi chuckles and brings his mouth up for a searing kiss.

"Not exactly what a guy wants to hear, someone else's name."

Iruka smiles and smacks the other, "Idiot, I'm just worried about how he'll react...you know when he finds out."

Kakashi snorts, "Maa, I bet that brat will threaten to kill me or something."

Iruka frowns a bit, "Well he was worried about me, said he thought I was lonely and unhappy. Maybe he won't mind at all."

This time Kakashi cannot hold back his laughter, "That's just more evidence that the brat will take your side."

He stops Iruka's protest before he can even make it by pulling Iruka into a heavy make-out session, and Iruka decides maybe the issue isn't so important for now.

***

Naruto does.

Side with Iruka that is.

When Iruka invites him over for dinner to catch up and talk about some important things, Naruto almost hesitates, probably thinking Iruka only wants to get him alone so he can reprimand him about overworking himself during training, or teaching his students that disgusting jutsu, or something that Naruto can't even really remember doing.

Iruka sighs, rolls his eyes, and promises to serve ramen. Naruto agrees without any more qualms.

That night, Naruto arrives surprisingly on time but protests when he sees Kakashi is there too, Iruka twitches then tells him to mind his manners because Kakashi is his guest too, Naruto grudgingly accepts Kakashi's presence, but then shuts up completely when Iruka serves the ramen.

Naruto seems to forget that Kakashi's presence was irritating him as he excitedly tells his senseis' about his latest mission.

Iruka only listens half-heartedly, nodding to show that he's paying attention. Finallly after a long pause by Naruto he decides maybe it's time to explain why he's invited him here.

"Naruto, you're probably wondering why I invited you here right?"

Naruto frowns petulantly, he'd been hoping he could avoid another lecture from Iruka, but now that seens highly unlikely.

"Eh? Not really, sensei."

Iruka twitches again in anger but reminds himself that it's important that he keep his composure. Instead he presses on trying not to be annoyed with Kakashi's barely masked laughter.

"_Anyway_, there's something I-well we-that is Kakashi and I..." Damn this was gonna be harder than he thought.

"Uhh...if this is about that rumor Kiba spread, I swear it wasn't me sensei!"

"No it's not about that!" Iruka snaps deciding that he probably _doesn't_ want to know about the rumor.

"Then what-?"

"What I'm trying to say is that me and Kakashi, well we've...we're-" Kakashi decides to pick up where Iruka stops short.

"What he's trying to say is that we're seeing each other."

"Eh, I know!"

"_You do_?"

"Well duh, I'm seeing you guys too, you're right in front of me! Baka Kakashi-sensei!"

Iruka slams his head into the table and Kakashi reassures himself that _no_ Naruto is probably not that stupid, just in denial...

"He means we're dating!" Iruka yells unable to take it all.

There is a tense momentary silence before Naruto explodes.

"_WHAT_?!"

"Eh, calm down Naruto!"

"CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN?! HOW CAN I CALM DOWN WHEN YOU'RE DATING THAT- THAT PERVERT SENSEI?!"

("Hey!")

"I thought you'd at least be happy for me! You always said you thought I was lonely, now I won't be anymore!"

"WHEN I SAID IT I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D GET TOGETHER WITH _HIM_!"

("I'm really not that bad!")

"Naruto, it's not as bad as it seems, really Kakashi isn't all that bad."

("Should I be offended?")

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT SENSEI?! HE'S A LAZY PORN READING PERVERT WHO'S NEVER ON TIME FOR ANYTHING!"

("Told you the brat would side with you.")

The last comment seemed to finally bring their attention to the jounin.

Naruto didn't waste anytime redirecting his anger.

"AND YOU! HOW COULD YOU JUST GO BEHIND MY BACK AND SEDUCE POOR SWEET INNOCENT IRUKA SENSEI LIKE THAT!"

("Hey! I can take care of myself dammnit!")

"IF YOU SO MUCH AS MAKE IRUKA-SENSEI CRY I'LL MAKE YOU REGRET IT!"

("Naruto that really isn't necessary!")

"Oh really, what are you gonna do about it?"

("Kakashi don't agitate him like that!")

"I'LL-I'LL KILL YOU! BELIEVE IT! IT'S THE PROMISE OF A LIFETIME! I SWEAR IT ON THE MY LIFE AS A SHINOBI!"

("Naruto, you shouldn't threaten your sensei like that!")

"Maa, either way that won't be necessary, Naruto-chan!" Kakashi chirped happily, his eyes curving into upside down u's.

"YOU BASTARD-!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Iruka finally says, slamming his fists onto the table to catch their attention.

"That's enough," He repeats weakly.

"Eh, was that really necessary sensei?" And Iruka feels his blood boil as he thinks of all the things he'd like to do that aren't _necessarily_ good.

"Please, Naruto, can't you accept this?" He asks, his voice tired and frustrated.

Naruto seemed to pick up on this because he no longer protested or insulted Kakashi, though he didn't hide his frown.

"Yeah, I guess it's not that bad."

Iruka looked up shocked that Naruto would give up so easily after his outburst,"...Really?"

"Yeah, but if that idiot sensei does something to hurt you just tell me sensei and I'll take care of it for you, I'll make it seem like an accident, or better yet they won't even be able to find him!"

Iruka knows that he should probably stop that kind of talk, make Naruto realize that no he can't hurt his sensei even if he's doing it on his behalf, but he decides that right now it isn't really worth it, this is probably the best Naruto will agree to at the moment, so he gives in.

"Okay."

("_What_?")

"_Really_?!"

"Yes _really_, if you'll agree not to maim Kakashi-sensei just for dating me then I agree to tell you when he's bothering me."

"Iruka I really don't think-"

"You hear that pervert-sensei, you better treat Iruka-sensei with some respect!"

"I think you should go now Naruto." Iruka cuts in before the blonde can get worked up all over again.

"Huh?" Naruto asks, shocked while Kakashi smirks.

"It's getting pretty late, and I still need to speak to Kakashi-sensei about some things."

Naruto relents and then leaves after hugging Iruka and glaring at Kakashi some more.

Once he's out the door Iruka collapses on the couch mentally worn out from Naruto's visit.

After a few moments Kakashi hands him some asprin and a glass of water, Iruka contempletes the possibilty of choking on the asprin or drowning in the water.

But he forgets about it when Kakashi pulls him into an embrace and snuggles with him on the couch, in the end Iruka decides it's worth it to stay.

**Fin**

Yeah so I think it's kinda a week and rushed ending but it's been a while since I posted anything so I just wanted to get it out there. Obviously it's somewhat (hella) AU, but whatever I'm still in denial and mourning over Kakashi's death! WAHHHH! Hope you liked it at least, and review if you want!


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